By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN
Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. I saw this recently with a young nurse manager that I have been coaching. She was upset that she was not moving up the organizational ladder as quickly as she had hoped to. At the same time, she had failed to apply for some good opportunities that had opened blaming her procrastination and reluctance on life events – largely of her own making. I asked her why she thought things were not moving in the direction that she wanted them to. Initially, she began blaming others for what was happening but ended up acknowledging that she self-sabotaged some of her career opportunities.
Her personal journey is not unusual. The tell-tale sign that you are sabotaging yourself is when you grind to a halt when you’re trying to achieve your goals with no clear reason why. The skill, ability, and desire are there but something stops you moving forward. There are many potential reasons why a person might act in a way that proves damaging to his or her well-being. It could be driven from a place of anxiety or insecurity about one’s abilities. The cycle can lead to a failure to act, anger at others, worrying about the future and unfulfilled dreams.
To Break the Cycle Consider Doing the Following:
1. Take Responsibility for Your Past Behaviors and Actions
Admitting self-defeating behaviors is an important first step. Blaming others for what happens to you is an unattractive and unproductive personal trait. If you have been the type of person who has waited on the sidelines and expected others to recognize your abilities and reward you for them – admit it. It is true that life can be very unfair but much of our situation is within our control. Turn your assumptions around and put them in the correct perspective. Align them with positive beliefs about what you can accomplish. Career success is really not built on big milestones but rather the countless decisions that we make each day on how we react to situations and how we use our time. We do need to realize that we are in control of our own destiny. Establishing our personal priorities and sticking to them is important.
2. Demonstrate Confidence
Lack of confidence plays an important role in self-defeating behaviors. It can also be a derailer during job interviews. All of us battle our own share of insecurities but we can make the decision to be confident and act confidently in spite of them. You will build confidence through preparation and decision willingness in the face of uncertainty. This entails the willingness to be bold even when you may not feel bold. Sometimes we need to stop analyzing and start acting. There will always be downsides to any decisions we make.
3. Be Gracious to Others
What I noticed with my former student is that she now feels she has fallen behind her professional colleagues in where she is in her career. While to a certain degree this is true, I reminded her that life is a journey, not a race. When you feel lost and overwhelmed, reaching out for help to others and graciously acknowledging their achievements is important. Revel in the success of others and make it a point to bring others along when you begin to achieve your own success.
4. Be Grateful for What You do Have
The columnist David Brooks has recently focused on the power of gratitude. He has noted that many times in life, people are disappointed because they have unreasonable expectations about what will happen. Learning to temper our expectations and feeling grateful for what we do have can lead to greater happiness. Having an attitude of gratitude can help to balance out the negative effects of the challenges and stresses.
Getting back on track with one’s career can be challenging but not impossible. It begins by watching your negative self-talk before it erodes your self-esteem. Sometimes in work as in life, we need to feel the fear but take the next step anyway.
Read Rose Sherman’s new book available now – The Nurse Leader Coach: Become the Boss No One Wants to Leave
© emergingrnleader.com 2019
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