What To Do When Staff Cry - Emerging Nurse Leader

By Rose O. Sherman, EdD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN

A manager recently asked me what she should do when she is trying to give constructive feedback, and the staff member begins crying uncontrollably. She reported she feels uncomfortable when this happens, and also perturbed because part of being a professional should entail the ability to accept feedback without an emotional response.

What this manager is experiencing is not uncommon today. Some nursing staff overreact to any professional feedback with tears, shaking, or reddening. The challenge for the manager is that as you allow the staff member to compose themselves – you can quickly end up leaving out essential topics of discussion. You may also find yourself avoiding giving them feedback in the future to avoid upsetting them. Nurse managers want to be seen as caring ,yet at the same time, it is important to help staff with their self-regulation.

Experts recommend that you do the following:

Don’t overreact to the crying – it is a good idea to have tissues in your office and hand them one. Face the employee and keep your body language open and your language neutral. Don’t try to experience what they are feeling. You do need to be compassionate and acknowledge that they seem to be having a hard time with the feedback that you are giving.
Try to identify the trigger – After you acknowledge that they are upset – ask them what part of the conversation has upset them. Sometimes younger staff may think that feedback equals failure.
Pause for brief recovery time – If this happens with a staff member who rarely cries, you may want to reschedule the meeting for a later time. If this is a frequent occurrence with the staff member, don’t do that as it could be a strategy they use to avoid having discussions. Instead, give them a few minutes to compose themselves and then resume the conversation.
Remember your why – You are sharing feedback with staff to help them grow and be successful not to be mean. Don’t sugarcoat the feedback to avoid a crying episode.
Address the behavior if it is recurrent – If the nurse’s response is a recurring pattern, you should address the reactive tendency head-on. Point out that you notice every time we sit down to have a feedback conversation, you get upset and cry. Remind them that you have their best interests at heart. Ask what you can do to help them receive feedback with more openness.

If you enable crying behavior, you are likely to get more of it. Feedback is part of professional growth. Leaders should set the stage with staff that they will receive feedback to promote professional development. Part of being a professional is to accept feedback in an emotionally mature manner and grow from it.

Read to Lead

Jen Su, M. (September 21, 2016). HBR Blog. How to give feedback who cry, yell or get defensive.

Read Rose Sherman’s new book available now – The Nurse Leader Coach: Become the Boss No One Wants to Leave